B-O-Y-S

BOYS!  That's a topic that I recently discovered that I know nothing about. ha.  And Micah is going on five years old. After several "difficult" weeks I felt the urgency to finally read a book that's been collecting dust on my bookshelf called "Bringing Up Boys" by Dr. James Dobson.  My mind has been enlightened!  Each week I sit at playgroup and chat about the latest chapter and things I've learned.  So here goes.......

Boys are hard-wired in their own special way....with lots of testosterone.  All the wrestling, running, jumping, fidgeting is NORMAL for boys.  OH, so I've been trying to tame that and it's actually normal :P  Dr. Dobson spends much of the book telling us that these behaviors are normal and great, but that parents must of course set boundaries.  Schools are not boy-friendly!  When Johnny can't be still during class, many times it's because he CAN'T be still.  Only a small portion of young children enjoy sitting still and listening to a lecture or working on worksheets.  Micah is actually in that small percentage.

A funny thing has happened since I've been reading this book.  Charity and I have been allowing our boys to BE boys at playgroup.  After running by a mom and nearly knocking her down...and then turning the slide into a jumping beam a few of the other moms asked them to cool it down. haha.  Whoops, I hadn't read the "discipline"chapter yet and we were just letting him be a free spirited boys:)

Dr. Dobson designates an entire chapter on Wounded Spirits.  He gives statistics on the horrible things that men have done after having a wounded spirit as children.  How can one's spirit be wounded?  Negative words from parents and other adults.  Bullying from children.  Neglect as babies.  Abuse.  This was an emotional chapter reading about the effects of such on children.

Next, Dr. Dobson gives numerous statistics about fatherlessness.  I've heard so much about this in the last year with the movie "Courageous" coming out.  All children - male and female- have an innate need to connect with their fathers.  Dr. Dobson says however that BOYS suffer the most from the absence or involvement of fathers.  I learned that at a certain point all boys will try to disconnect from the mother and connect and follow his father.  THIS is normal as well!

Micah said that he was growing a LOT of whiskers and needed to shave, like his daddy :)

 

Micah at age 2 with Allen.

Big shoes to fill.  Micah and Allen's Sunday shoes.

Mother and infant bonding is an incredible thing and cannot be overestimated!  Dr. Dobson says "the quality of that relationship will have lifelong implications and can even determine life or death".  "Given the delicate nature of infants, perhaps it is understandable why I remain unalterably opposed to the placement of babies in day-care facilities unless there is no reasonable alternative."  More of his research on this topic is in the book :)  The power of a mother's presence is irreplaceable.  No one loves the child and cares for a child like a mother.  I can relate to this chapter, because I chose to stay home with Micah before he was even born.  We cut down to one income and sacrificed a LOT in order to do so, but it's exactly what we wanted for Micah.  It is possible to live on one income...I'm talking less than $30K year...and I'd be happy to talk about this more in detail with moms considering the option.

Micah at one month old :)

WHOA. The chapter about "Predators" really made me think!  Do you know what "predators" are after our boys?  TV, video games, computers, even music!  I have to agree with Dr. Dobson about no tv or computers in a child's bedroom.  He says that no decent parent would allow some greasy stranger in your child's room with the door shut for hour without asking questions.  BUT that's exactly what we're doing when we allow a TV or computer (internet) into the child's room.  Violence, sex, homosexuality, and much more can be seen right in that room with NO adult supervision.  I agree that TV may be a fun family-time occasionally, but it's not a babysitter and does not replace parental interaction.  Lots of other good stuff in this chapter as well!

He said "I'm smiling because we won the war!"

Two years old.

One of our highest priorities should be building a relationship with our sons.  He says "that you as parents must work harder than ever at building satisfying and affirming relationships with your kids".  And as Josh Mc Dowell says "Rules without relationship lead to rebellion". Children need stability.  They love routines.  What do you think they'll cherish the most in 30 years- that new four wheeler or that nightly tussling and prayer time together?  They'll remember the routines.  The day-in and day-out things that we do.  He says that the first five minutes of the day can impact the relationship for the entire day.  Note: Must work on not being so cranky in the mornings!

Two!

Creative Indian/Knight Hero.

 Dr. Dobson touched on discipline, but he has a whole book on that topic called "Dare to Discipline".  What does discipline mean?  To disciple.  Basically he says that "boys need structure, they need supervision, and they need to be civilized".  The MOST important thing that we can teach them is to follow Jesus.   This should be our ultimate priority.  It is not the church's job to teach our children God's Word; it is the parent's job.  I must also remember that my child examines everything that I do...so when MY actions do not match my previous words, he will notice and he will be affected. 

I hope to re-read this book again, but for now I'll be reading "Bringing Up Girls"!!!